Daily political commentary and satire. We encourage your comments and participation!

Saturday, November 06, 2004

NOT a Mandate

Sorry, kids, but Bush does NOT have a mandate.

In addition to widely-suspected vote fraud that's being investigated by numerous progressive organizations, ( and others... please donate to them), it's important to remember that Bush "won" by the slimmest margin for a sitting president since 1916.


That's not a fucking mandate.

Don't let anyone tell you it is.

And, as Al Franken said, don't forget that while the so-called "red states" LOOKS like a large area, a whole helluva lot of it is desert.

So Bush's constituents are mostly, say, salamanders.

Remember that.

Bush Will Blunder Arafat's Death, As Well

I have absolute faith in Bush to mess up the Mideast peace process again now that Arafat is dying. I predict that Bush will not honor any elected offical unless approved by Israel.

The entire time Bush has been in office, he has done not one thing useful for the peace process. He has sidelined the Palestinians, he has not held Israel accountable, he has exacerbated all the situations there by invading Iraq, and, as they say, much, much more.

It's a tremendous opportunity with the right people behind it. Unfortunately, both Bush and Sharon will stonewall anything that doesn't abide by their preferences, leading to more armed rebellion.

From the Neocon (and therefore Bush's) perspective, this will open up the can of the Middle East for a remaking of it in their image. Their plan has always been to (forceably) create "Democracy" in at least one Middle East country and watch as the "love for freedom" travels from one country to another like a virus of love.

However, like the candy and flowers that were supposed to greet American soliders in Iraq, this is guaranteed to turn ugly. Not because Democracy is not infectious, but because arrogance is not.

I believe the Bushies and the Neocons will jump at this opportunity and try to strongarm their image of a new PA, supporting Israel in heavy-handed tactics, and leaving even more people radicalized.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Gay Marriage and Elections and Name-Calling and the Future

On some level, this election hinged on Bush's people calling Kerry a fag-lover, and afterwards, Kerry losing a popularity contest on the playground.

First, let me get it out of the way: that's pathetic. What a bunch of homophobic, xenophobic, hateful, scared people we have in this country. And a bunch of them showed up specifically for this election, just cuz of the word "gay." (And "abortion," but that's another article.)

Now that I've said that, I think it was "our" own fault. While Gay Marriage shouldn't be an issue in 2004 in any first-world country, it is. And we know it. And while activists were pushing for gay marriage, Karl Rove was sitting with his gay porn mags, whacking off smugly, knowing that fundies would come to the polls in droves to "love thy neighbor" but "hate the sin" by voting against Kerry and therefore, homos.

I said this back when Gavin Newsom started giving out marriage licenses in San Francisco the year before the election, and I've said it since. We should be concentrating on Civil Unions, the legal rights associated with marriage, and seperating them from the religious elements of the contract that are embedded in our laws. I belive with all my heart that the fundies and homophobes wouldn't have been anywhere near as hateful and scared to come to the polls had the focus been on Civil Unions rather than the word "marriage."

There could be no "Defense of Civil Unions Act."

Sure, ideally everyone should be able to get married. But the more important things in the short run are the legal foundations and winning elections. (Although this lost election may not be all bad... tune in later for why).

In that vein, we are working on a new site, (or com or net) which will be a place for STRAIGHT AND GAY couples to work together to get civil unions enacted.

We are encouraging STRAIGHT couples to demand the right to get civil unions seperate from the religious institutions of marriage that are embedded in law, and do what they want with their churches, synagogues, mosqes or what have you. But the premise is that Civil Unions should be there for everyone, are not just a "gay thing," and with straight couples demanding them for themselves, the process should go faster.

Tune in here or at for more as it happens.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Demand the Diebold Code!

I demand the Diebold code. I want proof that the no-paper-record voting machines were not rigged in Florida. I don't for one second have a "faith-based" relationship with a major GOP contributor.

So far, Diebold has refused all requests for access to the code to ensure its integrity.

Demand from your Representatives and Senators that an investigative group be given access to the code. Republicans should jump at the opportunity to prove that Bush was elected fairly, even though I doubt it with all my heart.

Death to Terry: Three in a Row

Or his career, anyway.

Terry McAuliffe needs to go. I couldn't stand him before, and now he needs a new job. He has now officially lost two Presidential elections in a row and increasing numbers of seats in three Senate and House elections.

He is clearly as incompetent as possible. I want his head.

The Children Will Have to Be Spanked

If appearances aren't too decieving it seems that many of the young 'uns will need to have their bottoms beaten badly. Apparently, alot of the mythic cavalry of the "youth vote" stayed home or went home early, playing Xbox instead of playing Democracy.

Could it be that the eight hour lines at the polling places were too much for their little attention spans? Quite possibly.

But if that's the case, the real fault is the Secretaries of State, who must be punished drastically. My early take is that the under-availability and underpreparedness for the high voter turnout was engineered with exactly short attention spans in mind. "If we can't convert them, let's bore them," would be a good distillation.

The Secretaries of State will have to be taken to task and to the carpet in order for elections to be fair and free. An eight hour wait is acceptable in maybe Afghanistan, but not here. My bet is that the "Conservative" noise machine will be making fun of short-attention spans, talking about how "in some countries, an eight-hour wait is standard," rather than looking at why it happened and changing it.

No one should have to wait more than an hour.

Karl Rove is brilliant.

Something Stinks Here... I Don't Trust Karl Rove

I have no evidence and can't put my finger on it, but something smells here. This election is too close, with too much of the electorate not approving of Bush, not feeling secure, not approving of Iraq, and so on, but the Republicans are supposedly "winning" in the raw votes in so many swing states, this with the largest get-out-the-vote efforts in history.

I have personally seen to many people out there, too many people getting out the vote for this to happen.

I don't know what it is, but Karl Rove is up to something. Either there are fake ballots, rigged machines, or something I haven't imagined. There's a scam going on and it will show up eventually.

Don't forget that Ohio has a hostile Secretary of State who has done whatever he can to disenfranchise Democratic voters, and there have been HUGE lines for up to TEN hours especially in Democratic strongholds. Was there a plan to do whatever they could to interfere? I think yes.

But there's another piece missing. I just hope it shows up soon.

If you have any ideas, post them here or email me.

Close Enough for a Recount in Ohio

Take the lawyers, guns, and money to Ohio and force a recount. There are the 140,000 or so provisional ballots, the 100,000 or so remaining votes, and a Secretary of State who needs to have the Buckeye kicked out of him.

I can't believe it's even this close. With 54% of the American population believing that the country is less secure than before we invaded Iraq, I can't believe that so many of those voters cast a vote for Bush.

It's a testament to Karl Rove's genius for divisiveness, legal wrangling, and misrepresentation.

We Democrats need to step up and keep and improve the organization that we developed for this race and take it into 2006.

Kerry, Don't You DARE Concede Until the Provisional Ballots Are Counted

Or I will personally kick you in the head.

Don't you dare wimp out like Al Gore. Ohio is ours if you count the provisional ballots. Don't surrender or I'll eat your children.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

All I Really Need to Know About Voting for Bush I Learned in High School.

Take everything you can get your hands on.

Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.

The ends justify the means, as long as we’re winning. And the meaner the means, the better.

Humiliate those who are different than you.

Let underclassmen clean up your messes. Pay them if you have to but twist their arms into it if possible.

Sports are more important than books. Books are for fags, anyway, and you can always hire a black woman to read to you.

When you hurt someone, convince them it’s their fault.

Jack Daniels is the answer to many of life’s problems. Or maybe Jesus. Whatever.

Take lots of vacation—you never know when people are going to want you to actually do something.

If in doubt, lie. If you’re caught, lie about lying. Do it boldly.

Likability and popularity is more important than intelligence, education, morals, the truth, or pretty much anything. Except money. And Poppy’s friends.

If you can bully your way out of something, all the better.

If you make a mistake, play it cool and pretend it never happened. No matter what.

Fuck the seed in the little cup, fuck wonder, fuck education, fuck the kids, fuck taxes, fuck government, and go fuck yourself. Especially Pat Leahey.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere:
The Golden Rule (Them with the gold makes the rules) and conditional love, lying, and basic sales.

Keep this close to your heart and carry it into your campaigns. You will succeed through chicanery, trickery, sheer nastiness, and arrogance.

Apologies and appreication to Robert Fulghum, Author of “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten”

All I Really Need to Know About Voting for Kerry I Learned in Kindergarten.

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to tell when people are honest or not, whether mom would want us to hang out with them, and whom to vote for I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the tax bracket, but there in the playground at school. These are the things I learned:

Share the wealth, and lunch.

Make a level sandbox for everyone to play in.

Don't hit people, or bomb them.

Put things voter registrations back where you found them.

Invite people to play; don’t exclude them because they’re not like you

If you break it you bought it.

Don’t lie if you made a mistake… you’re better off telling the truth

Clean up your own mess, whether military, environmental, or economic.

Don't take countries or resources that aren't yours.

Heinz ketchup is good for you.

Live a balanced life - windsurf some and think some and bike and hunt and tell corny jokes every day some.

Get a $150 haircut every afternoon.

Be courageous. If you make a mistake, come back home and correct it.

When you go out into the world, watch out for terrorists and stick together.

Friends are important. Don’t get rid of them just because they don’t agree with you.

God is good to have faith in but he won’t do your homework.

Be nice to people, don’t call them names, especially when the name aren’t true.

Goldfish and hamsters and Vietnamese and even Iraqis - they all can die.

So can Americans.

Have respect for life: bombs and bullets kill people, not countries.

And then remember the book My Pet Goat and the most important word you learned about George W. Bush - the biggest word of all - INCOMPETENT.

Everything you need to know to vote for Kerry is in there somewhere:
The Golden Rule and respect and honestey and basic ethical behavior, how to deal with liars, and more.

Take this with you on the road to the Presidency and show America what it can be once again.

Apologies to Robert Fulghum, Author of “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten”

Monday, November 01, 2004

Q: Why is voting for Nader like whacking off?

A: Because it feels good to only you, doesn’t achieve anything, and makes a mess.

Please forward this to everyone you know.

If you know someone who’s planning to vote for Nader, remind them that this election is not just about Bush and Cheney, it’s about all the people surrounding them as well. Donald Rumsfeld, Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, and all the scaries from the religious right like Ashcroft, Jerry Falwell, and the rest.

This will almost definitely be at least as close an election as 2000. Remind them that the 2000 election was lost by just 537 votes. 537. You alone know that many people. So do they. Make sure they realize that their vote could mean the difference between another four years of Bush and no chance for improvement, or four years under Kerry with at least a chance for change. Kerry can be influenced by the left; Bush can not.

Remind them that Renquist has thyroid cancer, and likely between two and four Supreme Court Justices will be appointed by this President.

Remind them that Bush has appointed over 100 extremely conservative Federal Judges during his Presidency, who decide the vast majority of all criminal cases in the country. Legal precedents are being set by these judges as we speak, interpretations of law from drug sentencing to medical malpractice, to rape, molestation, divorce, and custody battles.

Remind them of the damage to the environment under Bush. The damage to unions. The damage to worker’s rights. Civil rights. Social services. Foreign policy. Our international standing. Abortion rights. Voting rights. Remind them about touch-screen voting and Diebold.

Remind them that the world is nervously watching to see what Americans will do. The world does not understand how America could have elected Bush in the first place, and how Americans could possibly reelect Bush again.

Remind them of the estimated twenty-to-one-hundred thousand Iraqis who have died because of Bush. Or the 1,000 Americans killed or 8,000 injured.

Remind them of the 225 billion dollars spent on the war instead of America.

Remind them that all they care about is at stake, and that they and Nader can more effectively fight for those things, including third-party participation, with Kerry in office rather than Bush.

We believe Nader—and they—could make third party participation more a reality by leveraging Instant Runoff Voting in Democratically-controlled state legislatures… that will actually put it in place and show that it works.

See for more on that.

Remind them that pragmatism is more important than pride and idealism. That’s how the Republicans managed a coup in 2000. Pragmatism and party discipline.

Remind them that France almost got LePen in 2002 because the left was fragmented and he won the largest share of all the fragments. The left then coalesced and got rid of him, but only because of solidarity. We need everyone.

If they think the country will get bad enough for a “revolution,” tell them to think again, and think of Germany in the 1930s. Hitler also got into power in part because of a fragmented left. Is it really worth the death and destruction to make a point?

Tell them to hold their noses and vote for Kerry, and that you will, in exchange, volunteer to help on an issue important to them after the election. Follow through.

This is about the future of not just the United States, but the world. The future depends on them. And you.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Osama Votes Bush for Halloween

Amazing to me that anyone could interpret Osama’s sudden appearance just days before the election as anything other than a twisted kind of endorsement for Bush.

Of course, Bush is likely to use it as proof that the world is a dangerous place and we need “steady leadership in times of change,” but let’s not forget that if Bush hadn’t outsourced the hunt for bin Laden to the local Afghani warlords instead of using the top US Special Forces units that were there and ready to go in to Tora Bora to capture Osama, we might not be seeing this video three years later to begin with.

But then again, maybe that’s why Karl Rove has publicly said that the one mention that Bush made of the videotape October 30 will be the only time he mentions it during the rest of the campaign. Who knows.

But unlike the moronic “OSAMA VOTES KERRY” stickers and stenciled graffiti I see here and there, based in a fear-mongering Republican marketing idea that Kerry would allow the country to be attacked before doing anything to prevent terror, this “endorsement” is basically a flip-flop of the Republicans’ scare tactics.

Osama is smart. That’s a given. History shows that Americans tend to vote conservatively when they’re scared. It’s well known by anyone who has the most cursory understanding of American politics. Bush has been using it for three years, and now Osama is using it, too, and both for the same reason: to get Bush reelected.

His message was twofold:

One, I believe he actually is speaking sincerely. He is talking to the American people with a clear summary about why Al Qaeda attacked America. America’s policy in the Middle East is to interfere and intervene on behalf of our access to oil. In all the oil-producing countries with which we have a relationship in the Middle East, we have supported oppressive regimes that promise “stability” and therefore access to oil, at the expense of the civil rights of their peoples.

It’s well known and documented that Osama’s beef is with the Saudi Arabian monarchy and the American support for it’s repressive regime. Not that Osama wants democracy, but he wants their religious and military oppression to end.

I personally believe that while there is truth in his representation of Israel vs. Palestine as a reason for his attacks, it’s primarily a convenient metaphor and means of getting support for his agenda from the Arab “street.”

Two, I believe he well knows that a “warning” from him will scare the bejesus out of the American electorate, especially those who are undecided.

And while I’m sure his preference is that voters will take him at his word and pressure the government to stop supporting regimes like the Saudi Royals’ (“Your security is not in the hands of (Democratic presidential candidate John) Kerry or Bush or al Qaeda. Your security is in your own hands and each state which does not harm our security will remain safe”) I’m sure he also knows his adversary well enough to know that Americans will most likely interpret that as a threat and hide behind Bush’s skirt.

So why would Osama want Bush? Simple. Bush is the best thing that ever happened to Al Qaeda.

Cleverly disguised as Al Qaeda’s enemy, the Bush administration has created a membership drive for bin Laden that no amount of bully-pulpiting could have ever gotten him. Bush is the poster boy for the recruitment posters outside each metaphorical Al Qaeda recruitment center. Only in this case, it’s not “exotic lands and military benefits while defending America he’s selling,” but the “Great Satan’s War On Islam and the Arab People.” And given the common-sense evidence of tens of thousands of dead Muslims at the hands of American troops and weapons, his work is already done. (Aside: No, it’s not Al-Jazeera’s fault that there are so many dead Muslims to show on Al-Jazeera. Al-Jazeera wouldn’t show them if they didn’t exist, now would they?)

So short of Americans doing what he wants (getting US foreign policy to change), Osama’s going to create whatever he has to do to get there. And one of the most effective tools is the Jihad, something that the CIA used to train Afghanis back in the 80s to undermine Russia’s occupation. Can anyone say “blowback?” I knew you could.

Bush’s arrogant presence, his polarizing policies, his Christian crusade (he even said “Crusade to describe the war in Afghanistan, remember?), is perfect fodder to create a Holy War between Muslims and Americans/American Christians. And through that, Osama hopes to get what he wants in the first place. The US to stop supporting the Saudi regime.