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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

All I Really Need to Know About Voting for Bush I Learned in High School.

Take everything you can get your hands on.

Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.

The ends justify the means, as long as we’re winning. And the meaner the means, the better.

Humiliate those who are different than you.

Let underclassmen clean up your messes. Pay them if you have to but twist their arms into it if possible.

Sports are more important than books. Books are for fags, anyway, and you can always hire a black woman to read to you.

When you hurt someone, convince them it’s their fault.

Jack Daniels is the answer to many of life’s problems. Or maybe Jesus. Whatever.

Take lots of vacation—you never know when people are going to want you to actually do something.

If in doubt, lie. If you’re caught, lie about lying. Do it boldly.

Likability and popularity is more important than intelligence, education, morals, the truth, or pretty much anything. Except money. And Poppy’s friends.

If you can bully your way out of something, all the better.

If you make a mistake, play it cool and pretend it never happened. No matter what.

Fuck the seed in the little cup, fuck wonder, fuck education, fuck the kids, fuck taxes, fuck government, and go fuck yourself. Especially Pat Leahey.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere:
The Golden Rule (Them with the gold makes the rules) and conditional love, lying, and basic sales.

Keep this close to your heart and carry it into your campaigns. You will succeed through chicanery, trickery, sheer nastiness, and arrogance.

Apologies and appreication to Robert Fulghum, Author of “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten”


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